After years of being depressed and angry, my family pretty much hated me, and though I tried to be amiable, sometimes their low expectations of me were enough to squash my futile attempts to “be nice.”  The best thing for everyone seemed for me to spend as little time with them as possible.  Now, there was nothing to do in Kennewick; it was literally void of any and all culture (i.e. Red Robin was the nicest restaurant in town), but I found one sanctuary.

I spent almost all of my meager earnings on movie tickets.  It never bothered me to go to the movies all by myself, in fact I preferred it that way.  When I was in the dark movie theater I could escape my depression and all of my family problems; all of my loneliness was gone.  My heart, eager to experience a full range of emotions outside of teenage misery, threw itself into each and every story.  Comedy, drama, thriller, romance, action…whatever, it didn’t matter much to me.

Like most teenage girls I developed intense crushes on actors and actresses alike, but I think what motivated mine was how much I envied their ability to pull all sorts of emotions out of me.  They relieved me of myself for ninety minutes at a time and I loved them for that.  I wished I had that power too.

To this day, I find solace in movies.  Even though my palate has refined, I still watch all kinds of movies (the good and the hopelessly bad).  Now days I’m usually multitasking while I watch, but I still consume around 3-6 movies a week.  Gotta love Netflix!  I just love the feeling I have while I’m enjoying a movie.

Hollywood is a long ways away from any small town in America, but when I was eleven I got to be an extra in a real Hollywood film.  That tiny glimpse into the world of actors and cameras and sets was enough to make Hollywood seem just a little closer.  Maybe it was my young age that made me feel comfortable around all that high tech equipment and those high-powered people, but I did.  I knew I wanted to get back there someday.  I always felt like I could, too, but I was too scared, too self-conscious, and too inhibited to go for it back then.

As the years ticked by I started to feel like maybe being an actress was just a dream for children, not realistic for someone like me.  I kept working, doing what I thought was smart, and hating it more and more.  Inevitably in every 9 to 5 job I had I grew bored and resentful of my work and my employer. My unnatural love of films and movies has been the one constant thing in a very tumultuous life.  I knew I could be more than what I was shaping up to be, but it was me who the blame was placed squarely on.  I was the only one keeping me from going after what I really wanted.

Baby's First Headshot

The biggest stumbling block in my way was my fear—my fear of declaring what I wanted and my fear of failing to attain it.  I want to be an actress because I want to make people feel differently.  I want them to watch me and believe that I am the character I’m portraying, and I want them to be right there with me when I get hurt, get scared, and feel good.  I want them to feel those things through me.  It doesn’t matter that I’m not Hollywood beautiful, Hollywood thin, or Hollywood glamorous—all that matters is that I can make people feel things as I act.  That’s my dream.  That’s what I’m gambling for, and that’s what I hope to achieve.

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It’s easily the most interesting film I’ve caught wind of since I’ve been searching, but what’s more is that I can’t wait to see the film.  Even if I’m not cast in it, I still want to see it.  I really believe this is a special project.  The characters and relationships are so well developed and the story is really beautiful.  I feel like I’m perfect for their “Nurse Julie” character.

Man, I’m starting to feel like I want it too much–like I’ll jinx myself.  I’m supposed to go read for them next weekend.  I want to read through the script a few times before then so I know it really well.  I hope I’m a fit for what they’re looking for!

Wish me luck!

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Big stars like Tom Hanks and George Clooney are trying to dissuade SAG from a strike, saying that a recession is not the time to stop actors from working.

“While the rigorous confidentiality required in negotiation settings prevents me from providing a full update here, I want to assure you that we are working deliberately, and with as much haste as possible, to conclude our talks and bring to you, the members, a deal for your ratification,” said national interim exec director David White in a message sent to members Tuesday evening.

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Come to another great show Thursday, March 26th 8-9:30pm!
Professional actors interpret, improvise, and play off locally
submitted scripts at the Seattle Cold Readers at this monthly event
at the historic Alibi Room in downtown Seattle.
Our line up for this month will be:

The Store Next Door by Richard Lasser
12:01 by Jenni Brown
The Star Maker by Jesse Ward Putnam
Betty Lies by Scott Bell

If you are an interested actor or writer for a future show, please
submit your script, resume or headshot to: www.seattlecoldreaders.com
$6 cover charge
Performing actors & writers excluded.

The Alibi Room

85 Post Alley #410
Seattle, WA 98108

Marh 26, 2009 8-9:30pm
www.seattlecoldreaders.com

Email available through the website.
Eileen Dey, M.A.
Community Relations

Seattle Cold Readers | The Alibi Room | 85 Post Alley | Seattle | WA | 98101

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A few months ago, like a lot of other people these days, I lost my job. I found myself at a cross roads and thought long and hard about what my next move would be. Straight out of high school I did what I thought was the smart thing; I went into a commercial art school (The Art Institute of Seattle) and focused on Multimedia and Web Design. I learned a skill set that made me valuable in the market that existed at the time, but while I was doing that I set aside a lot of things that I really loved and had a passion for.

One of those things was acting. I’ve always loved TV and movies and theater so much, and I’ve always felt like I had a lot to give as an actress. So now, while the economy is bad and getting worse, while I’m unemployed and uninterested in returning to my previous career, while I’m not getting any younger… I want to act. Specifically in film or TV. Maybe I sound naive, but time will tell, and I invite you to follow along in my journey.

I plan to write about the acting jobs I get, I plan on posting listings for auditions, I plan on blogging on any big entertainment news, and I hope to be able to post clips of myself of things I get into. So, enjoy!

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